Note to Self:

All I've ever wanted was to see my children be what they want to be. My son works a job he doesn't really care for, but it keeps the family running while he trains for a future more enjoyable. Education is important to him and the further he can take it the happier he is. I've never known but one other that has the capacity for learning that he does. It makes me proud to see how hard he works in order to keep his family in good steed.
My daughter, has finally found the love of her life and is now on the way to another state, far away. I am happy for her. I know she has had many trials and tribulations in her search for happiness, and has overcome them all. Now that she is where she wants to be I pray that their future is peaceful and happy.
However, having said all that, I have never felt so alone and full of despair. I guess I have mothered too long and now at long last, I have the empty nest. With mom gone too, I have no one else that really needs me and I suppose that is what has kept me going all this time.
All the activities I had planned, such as continuing my painting, working in the yard, working on the house, some travel, I don't seem to have the desire to attempt any of them at the current moment. I force myself to do what needs to be done, other than that, I sit in the kitchen chair and wait for bedtime.
I must get back in the frame of mind to put me in control. I have the Wii fit to do, motorcycle to learn more on, plants that need to be put in the ground, a window to repair, etc. I guess it is back to list making time, which makes me get off my butt and at least scratch off one a day, it helps me see accomplishments and helps me set the priorities of the list.
I pray every day for the peace at heart that everyone needs, but somehow this week it is eluding me. Sometimes I think there is a tormented soul inside this skin. One that should of been someone else, but got stuck with me. I don't remember when I really smiled because I felt good inside, only because it is what is expected, everyone around me is smiling, so I smile or laugh too. But is it heartfelt, no.
Somehow Iwill work through this, I have many times before. There is no one but me to talk to about it, how ironic is that!! I think God gave me strength to endure, but left off the understanding. But I will do according to His plan, not mine.